Please note, that effective immediately, all future lost child prevention postings will be at http://PreventingLostChildren.blogspot.com. Since I will be managing the new Center to Prevent Lost Children (CPLC), my duties at Wander Wear will be changing to that of an advisor.

CPLC will be focused on the lost child prevention education seminars and other programs that we do with a varierty of organizations including parenting clubs, religious and civic organizations, YMCAs, hospitals, corporate institutions and government agencies. Our co-branded seminars are be offered to private and public audiences to help our sponsors reach their target customers or constituencies. We also design customized programs for sponsors that may include community programs, spokesperson appearances, etc. And lastly, we also work with intneral personnel in venues where children typically get lost such as theme parks, malls, beaches and airports.

Please do visit the CPLC’s new website which will be active 4/1/07: www.PreventingLostChildren.org.

Thank you for your continued support in helping all kids be safe in public places!

-Alyssa Dver
Family Safety Expert

Why?  Mortal denial. We don’t want to even consider that we can get hurt or our children will.  First, because its too hard to handle – why go there mentally if we can avoid it – heck if we don’t think about it, it won’t happen, right?  Second, it makes us feel weak.  Weak as parents and weak as mortal beings.

So for many parents, it is unthinkable that they would or could ever lose a child.  Yet 90% of families do.  Parents want to believe that they are vigilant and that their children are responsible.  Even so, most parents will get distracted by another one of their children, or some activity around them or a cell phone. or, or, or….and it only takes that second of parental distraction for their child to dash off. Perhaps the child is interested in something afar or finding it entertaining to challenge mom to hide and seek, a great race or great test of wills.  Maybe junior is waiting outside a lesson for mom’s pickup but Mom is out shopping at the market unaware that her watch stopped over an hour ago.  Maybe the child missed the bus stop or is traveling on the other side of town being on the wrong bus.  As a parent, wouldn’t you want to know that no matter what unexpected thing happens, that you child will be safe?  Yes, the above events all qualify as lost – and when a kid is lost, they can get hurt, scared, traumatized, and possibly abducted.  Do you need to wait to be safe?  Do you wait until you have your first accident before you put the seat belt on your kids?  Do you wait until someone falls down the stairs before you gate them?  Even if you never did it, it does hurt when you stick your finger in a socket – trust me.  And if you haven’t already lost a child, you can definitely trust your own intuition that it is one of the most horrific parenting experiences to turn around and not know where your little one is. 

So, don’t wait…prevent them from getting lost by following some of the easiest things we suggest in our tips.  Keeping a child safe in a public place is even easier than putting on their seat belt and the chances of losing your kid are much higher than getting into a car accident.

I invite you to read the article I published on “Don’t talk to strangers and other parenting myths” – I think it will open your eyes wide to things we learned to do as parents and never considered how silly they seem in this day and age.  As always, feedback is welcomed!

So, when you are seeing safety products, particularly in the lost child area, please consider the following issues:

1. Is the product child-friendly?

No safety product is going to help if the child doesn’t use it.  No matter how good the product is technically, if the child finds it ugly, uncomfortable, uncool, or just boring,  it won’t work.   The key to keeping kids safe is having their buy-in which includes giving them the knowledge and the right products to use.

2. Can the child use it?  

Remember, that even a smart, confident child will panic when they are lost.  Something like a bracelet or hidden label may be hard to operate and a child will most likely forget about it  during a crisis.  Plus, a stranger may not know to look for the information and you definitely don’t want them undressing your child to find it.  Make sure the ID is really easy to spot and can be retrieved from the child without the child’s help or without the need to touch the child. 

 3. What happens if the product is lost? 

Kids lose things all the time – me too!  Child ID and location products are no different and they can fall off or break off.  If that happens, it won’t help the child, but in fact, it can hurt the child.  For example, if the product is a bracelet with home phone information, whoever finds it can reverse look up your address and track down the child – not good. 

So consider what could happen if the product was lost and found by a bad stranger.  Be sure you are comfortable with that implication.  As I often tell people who are interested in Wander Wear, if some weirdo finds my son’s Parent Locator Tag and calls my cell phone repeatably, the worst case is that I can ignore/block the calls or change my cell phone number relatively easily.  However, if I use my home phone or other information that helps someone find my house, that is not an acceptable risk.

4. No batteries required

Batteries or anything that requires a charge can fail.  When your child is lost, you don’t want to worry whether there is enough power in the device.   If you have trouble keeping your cell phone charged, consider if you can reliably charge yet another device and remember to take it with you every time you are out with the kids.  The device can’t help find your kids if you are out and the device is no charged or accidentally left at home in its charging base.

5. Waterproof

At places like the Boston Children’s Museum in Boston and of course amusement parks, beaches, waterparks, and other such family venues, water, kids and electricity don’t mix well.  Also be wary of any product like a sticker that will get destroyed when wet.

So, hopefully these are useful things to consider when selecting the appropriate safety products for your child.  However, something is always better than nothing as long as it doesn’t replace your parental vigilance. 

If you’d like more information about various products on the market, check out the audio seminar on Wander Wear’s website.  In that 20 minute podcast, I discuss more specifically the pros and cons of the various available and future technologies and products.   

So, some things that I have found that work when talking about getting lost that won’t freak out your children:

1. Tell your child that you don’t want them to get lost because they can get hurt and that mommy/daddy will be very worried.  They don’t’ need to know why but rather that it will impact you.  Try to relate it to a time that they diodn’t know where you were and how they felt.

2. Teach them what to do if they get lost.  This includes finding another mommy and asking for help.  Practice this when you go out – play the “find another mommy game” in the supermarket or other places you go.  See how many mommies your child can find and ask your child how they know that the other person is a mommy.

3. Put identification on your child and tell them they can show it to another mommy if your child needs help.  You can also role play this with them.  However, even if they can’t remember to show it proactively to the other mom, with the ID on them, they are well positioned to get help from that mom.

5. Remind your child to stay close to you when you go into a public place.  Wwhen you come out, tell them what a great job they did.  Use this positive reinforcement to let them know what is the expected “good” behavior and that it makes you happy when they do it.

Interestingly, with these kinds of small efforts, your child will actually appreciate your guidance.  They will know that they are safer and that you care about them so much to keep them safe.  Like any boundary with kids, if drawn well and taught with love, it gives them the confidence to grow and explore knowing they have a safe and supportive world around them.

My 7 year old recently asked me for his ID tag while we were in a small store where I could see him no matter where he was.  When I asked him why he wanted the tag, he answered, “Mom, it just makes me feel better in case I need it.”  I am still amazed by how a $4 tag was like a lifeline for my son even if he never actually needed it.  Perhaps like a blankie, a thumb or a favorite toy, if we can provide comfort and safety to our children at the same time, why wouldn’t we?

In today’s world, we hesitate to do this as we think someone is going to find our child and …bring them back home.  Hmmm…is that a bad thing.  Well, it can be if we are looking for your toddler in the mall having lost them and some stranger takes them back to your house.  However, rather than put an address, how about putting a cell phone number only?  The best scenarios is a stranger calls you to tell you to pick up your lost child quickly wherever they are.  The worst case is the number is lost or taken and subsequently, you get a lot of unwanted calls on your cell phone.  Lost child versus calls I can screen out…why are we so ID-ignorant?

People get freaked out about putting ID on their kids because  they are told not to broadcast a child’s name to a potential predator.  If you ever talked with a police officer at length, you know a predator doesn’t need the child’s name to harm them.  That also goes for ID with the child’s address. Not only doen’st a child predator typically care where that child lives, but there are much easier ways to find that out.  When was the last time you looked in your rear-view mirror to see if anyone tailed you from the supermarket.  I doubt it…I doubt you do that and I doubt it happens…but it could.  Its like putting extra locks on your doors only to have a thief break a window to get in.  Another false sense of security…if they want your child, they will get to them, ID or not.

However, if you child is accidentally lost and needs some help, having a cell phone number on them is hugely beneficial.  Your child can then ask for help and get it, without being moved or touched. 

Pets can wander off and dont’ have the ability to find their way home…so we put ID on them.  You probably carry ID when you go out and even our electronic gadgets usually have information that will assist someone else returning lost items back to me safely.  However, the most precious thing – our kids – also need ID when we go out away from home.  In case they get lost, I want them to have the best chances of being found quickly and safely.

For more information about child ID and how to use it effectively, please visit Wander Wear and check out our Parent Locator Tags.  They are really easy, inexpensive and fun to use.

With that, the person will usually smile and say, “No thanks”. And when I ask why, they note they would be concerned about the health risks and lack of privacy they would then have.  Yes, maybe your wife or husband could find you anytime, but who knows who else is tracking you . 

Again, let me exercise my technical background to note that any computer system – such as one storing information about people and their whereabouts – can be penetrated.  Yes, Virginia, Big Brother would know your every move. 

So, physiological risk and privacy are two good reasons why you won’t see RFID chips in kids anytime soon.  Another reason is that to get the information from the implanted chips, you need a piece of computer hardware called a “reader” – kind of like a more sophisticated bar code reader that will interpret the invisible radio frequency waves that emanate from the chip.  

When the Boston Marathon runners wore ankle bracelets in their quest for the finish line, these readers were put strategically along the route to track them.  Some vets have these readers as well so when a pet is brought to them with an implanted chip, they can read it and return the pet to its owner.  Today, these readers are expensive – usually several thousands of dollars. 

So….even if the readers were cheaper and more places had them, like police departments and hospitals, consider if you would want your lost child taken away from where you are looking for them and driven away by someone to another place where the child’s chip could be read.  But you may be thinking, if readers were portable like some that a handful of police use today, wouldn’t that work?

To that I suggest you consider using a simple sticker or perhaps a Wander Wear Parent Locator Tag which has no implications of health or privacy risk and are a lot cheaper and easier to use (and don’t require any type of surgery on your child). 

Admittedly, there are issues with every form of child identification - and there always will be.  I again suggest that we wait for better technology to come to market and hope that the US technology infrastructure is improved before we make technology the best answer.  In the meantime, use the technologies out there smartly and knowing their strengths and weaknesses.  Always remember that your own eyes and ears are the best devices for keeping track of kids.

I also know about the other GPS, RFID, and good old radio frequency (like walkie-talkie) gadgets for sale.  And no, I am not against them but rather concerned about them. 

With 20+ years as a product manager at technology companies, plus the best selling book on software product management, I profess to know a few things about technology and I follow advances in this arena closely.  I do think good things are coming but not for a few years out.  Most of the devices out today have some major issues:

1. Expensive.  I love my kids and their safety is priceless to me but shoes that cost $19.95 each month is still pricey.  $400 GPS wristwatches, that additionally require a $30 per month fee, are out of my range. Even the more simple $40 devices that beep when my kid is too far away I question. 

And its not because I am cheap.  Its because these technologies only work in certain environments under certain conditions.  Which brings me to the second problem.

2. Unreliable.  Like car GPS systems, they don’t always find a good signal or can sometimes take you in circles.  Most of the child location devices can’t locate your child precisely and when it comes to finding a little, moving tot, that makes a huge difference. 

3. Too complicated. If I need to navigate a web browser or call an 800 number while I am hysterical and my kid is missing, its more than I know I will be able to handle. I don’t have mapping on my own phone and don’t expect you to either.  However, if you are an early adopter (and if you don’t know what that is, you definitely aren’t one), go for it.  Even though I am a professional techie, I am also a mom…so no additional complication when I am out trying to manage life with 2 kids in tow.

4. Batteries required.  If not batteries, some charging is needed (like you would charge your cell phone).  I don’t always remember to charge my cell phone so one other pre-event responsibility is one too many.

5. Water and tamper proof?Most are not. Even at our children’s museum, there is water.  Water and electrical devices don’t usually go well together so be sure to check if the device is waterproof.  Tamper-proof is a given requirement with little kids. Any part that can be moved, removed or fiddled with, will break and most likely swallowed or lost.  Trust me – I have 2 boys.

6. Kid approved.  If I have to pin down my 3 year old to wear something, it isn’t going to work.  He will find a way to get it off or make my day so miserable that I just might want him to get lost!  So it is very important that your child likes the device you are using and participates in keeping it on him/her and in working condition. 

All in all, any technology may help but it is NOTa replacement for vigilant parents.  I worry that people who buy such devices then get lazy about watching their kids and wonder why they can’t find them when the GPS fails or the batteries give out.  Technology can supplement your watchful eyeballs but with the devices available today, be smart and buy as a parent, not as a gadget hound.  In my opinion, you’d be much better off investing in a bloodhound to find your little wanderers.

The media has us so conditioned to believe that all missing children are abducted.  However, only about 100 kids are forcefully taken by adults that the child does not know.  Most of the cases we hear in the news or via Amber Alerts are vastly estranged parents, relatives or other people that the child already knows.   The good news is that when you are in the supermarket and your child runs away to check out the characters in the cereal aisle, chances are there isn’t a crazy person waiting there to abduct them.  Plus, if you think about the high profile abduction cases such as Elizabeth Smart, Molly Bish, etc., these were very deliberate kidnappings with little that the parents could have done to prevent them – that’s  the bad news.  But again, out of 40 million kids in the US (ages 2-10), only 100 were of this type.  Lucky for us, we have a much better chance winning the lottery than having your child taken.

However, let’s not forget that 90% of families will innocently lose a child in a public place and when this happens- at that moment- they won’t know whether it is an innocent wandering or a serious abduction.  So, the key is to first prevent kids from getting lost and then know what to do immediately when it happens.

Prevention is a combination of education for both caregivers and kids AND having some really easy tools that are used every time you go out with the kids.  Things like carrying a recent, decent sized photo with pertinent information on the back, having your child wear your cell phone on them in a visible place, and teaching children to ask other mommies for help.  You can see a complete list of these tips and more at Wander Wear.

I also invite you to visit another blog that discusses many of these issues and notes the flaws in the mass recovery methods pushed by companies, the government and by less educated individuals. An Ounce of Prevention is a great complementary blog.

We are lazy when it comes to prevention – flossing, exercising, eating right, etc…all a drag.  But when it comes to our kids, preventing them from getting lost can be life or death….don’t be a lazy parent. 

Because we get embarrassed.  We don’t want to feel like bad parents if we lose or even consider the possibility of losing one of our children.  However, truth be told, 90% of families experience losing a child…really.  7 out of 10 kids will get lost at least once and they are not just the bad kids that wander off.  Some kids find if hysterical to play hide and seek under the clothing racks.  Some kids get off at the wrong bus stop.  Some kids wonder why mom isn’t there to pick them up while mom is still shopping not realizing that her watch stopped half and hour ago. 

Kids get lost for all sorts of reasons – and we’re not talking about abduction or runaways…we’re talking about a kid that is unintentionally separated from their caregiver for any amount of time. 

 As a parent, any amount of time that your child is “missing” is eternal and terrifying.  It is a traumatic event that both you and your child will probably remember forever.

And while we’ll put seat belts on our kids every time we drive somewhere even though we don’t expect to be in an accident, why don’t we do anything to prevent (or at least minimize) the chances that our kids will get lost. 

I ask myself that question every day…and all I can say is that its time to break down the parenting myths and stigmas around losing kids.  It happens and happens often – over 2000 time each day in the US alone! 

So if you want to be a more prepared parent and learn some really easy ways to keep kids safe, read on….